Submitted by butterpecan
ACT I: SCENE 1
A noisy room filled with TV industry people. A random Church member karatechops some entertainment show journalist in the neck and steals her equipment to interview The Pretty during a Fox Party.
Random Church Member: Hi Went, thanks for taking the time to chat with us.
Went: (beaming) It's my pleasure... I'm sorry, I didn't get the name of your show.
RCM: (points to T-shirt she is wearing) AWAH, Baby!
Went: Very unusual name... I think I've heard of it...
RCM: (interrupting) Oh Went, you're too polite. We're actually a brand new show, and have had very little publicity to promote it. We have a very religious fan base. You're in fact our first interview. We truly admire your strong work ethic and moral fabric – two traits that are hard to come by in Hollywood. How do you manage to convey these characteristics in your art?
Went: (genuinely moved and flattered. Touches his heart) I am deeply honored. I seek to infuse all of my roles with my essence. I simply allow my soul to communicate with the soul of the person on the other side of the screen. (Gentle laugh).
Deep philosophical interview continues for five more minutes....
RCM: (shakes hands with WM) Well, thanks once again Went for taking the time to speak to your devoted fans.
Went: (moves in closer) I am always willing to learn more about my fans.
RCM: (Begins to sweat, tries hard to maintain composure. Thinks to self: You've made it this far; don't blow it. Whatever you do, DO NOT mention how "hot" he is or what you want to "do" to him. Keep your friggin' cool!)
Went: I really enjoyed this interview. It was so refreshing. Finally an interview where the words "hot," "stud," "hunk" aren't used to describe me. I'm sorry, you don't need to hear this... It's just that I'm relieved, that's all. Back to your program's name. I feel I must insist. What does "A. W. A. H." stand for?
RCM: (guilt-ridden) Ahhh, I don't want to bore you with that. It's a stupid acronym, really...
Went: (eyes lighting up) Nonsense, I have a keen interest in my fans. An acronym huh?
RCM: Really, it's nothing. We got the name from books we were reading at "church."
Went: (excited, eyes widening) Let me guess, author initials? Let me buy you a drink. I want to figure this out. I'm not going to let you go until I do. I love this... This is waking up the Scrabble devil in me. Let me look at your top again.... blablablablablabla (slaps forehead) Alice Walker/Aldous Huxley!
Several starlets from the O.C start to gather around RCM, jealous of the attention she is getting from The Pretty. Meanwhile, legitimate entertainment journalist wakes up and is walking angrily towards a nearby security guard.
RCM: (realizing that her cover has been blown, blurts out...) No! It stands for Available Willing and Horny! It's a self-help from our last bookclub! (All pretense of coolness is gone) Really, it was your mind that first attracted me. Truly!
Went: WTF! I don't understand. I thought you said you were from a "church."
RCM: (As she is being dragged by security, one of her shoes comes off) We shared a moment Went, and it was real. Did you feel it? Did you?!!!?? My drink?
Went: (Picks up the shoe; disappointed and hurt, he cries out before falling to his knees in the middle of the room, sobbing uncontrollably) Why must I be so sexy! WHY!!??!!
T h e E n d
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