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Foolproof Three-Phase Plan
Submitted by KellyTheRN


I must confess that I am now fully converted to the Church. I've added myself to Frappr, photos and all. I suddenly feel free, at peace, and maybe even a little Pretty.

This conversion has me doing strange things, like plotting how to get into Mr. Miller's apartment. [Sophia Petrillo's voice on ] Picture it: [/SP voice off ] I'm standing outside Went's apartment, hatching Phase One of my plan, titled Operation Pretty Please  or OPP for short (not to be confused with the song "OPP" because that's just wrong). Phase One consists of me standing under his window, chucking pebbles at his window. As he opens the window and leans out, Operation Pretty Please  goes into effect. When he looks down into my wistful countenance, I whisper, "Hello, Went. Can I come up? Pretty please ?"

Now, if this plan doesn't work – and I don't see why it wouldn't – I have another idea. Scofield's got nothin' on me! For Phase Two, I will start singing "Islands in the Stream" and when Went starts singing Kenny Roger's part, he'll realize that we're soul mates and rush outside to embrace me before dragging me back up into his apartment.

Surely I'd have no use for a Phase Three (I mean, come on, as if serenading him with a Dolly Parton song wouldn't work), but just in case I planned one last ditch effort. I'd pile up a bunch of mismatched clothing, mostly in shades of brown, in front of his door and then knock. When he opens the door, he'll gasp with glee at the multitude of FC within the pile, scoop the whole pile up (with me nestled in the middle) and tote us all into his apartment. Foolproof, I tell you. Regardless of which phase of the plan works, it all ends the same way – we get it on.

Hello Pretty, keep an eye out for me... [/spiritual conversion related delusion ]