THE WENT COMMANDMENTS


Thou shalt not bow thyself down before any other Pretty, nor serve them
For there is but one Lord Pretty, and he is a generous God, visiting unslackable desire
upon generations of them that love Him.

Thou shalt not have any false TV boyfriends but The Pretty
Whether you fancy Agent Jack Bauer, McDreamy, or James "Sawyer" Ford, above all
you must remain steadfast and loyal to the one true Pretty.

Thou shalt not take the name of The Pretty in vain...
Even when accidentally doing a double take to stare at the checkout guy's sexy buzz cut.

Thou shalt make unto thee really hot graven images of The Pretty...
And make haste unto The Church to offer them up for communal worship.

Thou shalt forgive Him His Fashion Crises
Wrinkled khaki pants, professorial tweed jackets, baggy gray T-shirts, freebie baseball caps, hopelessly worn out shoes, brown/tan/taupe/camel/beige everything – it's all good.

Thou shalt not covet a fellow congregant's chance meeting of
or personal email from The Pretty

Thou shalt keep the Sabbath (Mondays) holy...
And get thee to a TV on Monday nights at 8pm EST/7pm CST to receive thy Pretty blessings.

Thou shalt go forth and spread His Gospel
It's all part of the plan – "The Pretty Plan" of course. We shall convert them one and all.

Thou shalt partake in a weekly communion of Double Stuf Oreos
and margaritas
That's an easy one, no?

Thou shalt play Scrabble during the season of Went
Instead of giving up chocolate, meat, or other vice, you must brush up on your Wenticon
in preparation for your next round of Scrabble with your TV boyfriend.

Thou shalt restrain thyself from licking, accosting, or molesting The Pretty
While we may be twelve year old fangirls in spirit, we have the wisdom and maturity
to know Our Lord Pretty deserves the utmost respect and reverence.

Thou shalt abstain from food and drink whilst attending Church services
This is for congregants own safety and the prevention of injuries caused by nasal beverage expulsion (i.e. coffee through the nose). Worshippers would also no longer have to replace
keyboards, monitors, and other electronic equipment ruined by involuntarily spewed
solids and liquids (although when it comes to drool, you're on your own).